we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
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This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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