you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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