Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!