so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine