I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing