He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
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i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.