Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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