So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I could make wine with my vomit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
