ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
