By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
