before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
