I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
