oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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