It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize