You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
