I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I AM VODKA MAN
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
