i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
