he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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