Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
