Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
