i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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