I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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