Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
