You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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