you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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