I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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