It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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