Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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