i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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