I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
