you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
