Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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