I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
