I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
