Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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