Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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