Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
