You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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