Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
