didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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