The maid of honor just puked.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
