He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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