And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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