In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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