Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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