Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
