you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
