somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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