absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
