just tell him i said nine months
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
