it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
