i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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