someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
