I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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