You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize