he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
