like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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