I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
