Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
