I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
