I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
