Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
