this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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