the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a search helicopter?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
