I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
