im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
