I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
