sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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