I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
