she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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