this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
