I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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