My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
