I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
