he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
