i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
