i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
