how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
