Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
