Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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