okay pat passed out under dana's car
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!