I wish life had little blips of pornography
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident