I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom