your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are a genius and a whore.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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