Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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