dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
