Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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