Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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