Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
